Okay so this is a touchy subject for many as in the mainstream, when you hear about BDSM, you might automatically think Fifty Shades of Grey. The fact is that it is much more than that, so let’s give the quick run-down of BDSM for beginners.
What does BDSM stand for?
Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadochism and Masochism
Now, before you go diving into the deep end, it is important to be knowledgeable about what you are seeking. First things first, it is important to have on-going and open discussions with your partner about your boundaries and consent. Yes, CONSENT, in all situations, “NO” means just that, “NO”! Secondly, it is important to note that not all interactions within the BDSM umbrella involve or end in sex. Third, along with consent—safe words are a must in all interactions. This should be a word not associated with the act or scene which is being engaged in to avoid it being missed in the heat of the moment. It should also be one that is understood and agreed upon by all partners involved (ex. Kumquat, pomegranate, teacup). For others, the traffic light system works best and allow for the least confusion on your partner’s enjoyment in the activity.
If you think you would never be “into something like BDSM” or it’s all about the rough sex, you might be surprised. Have you every enjoyed the sting after being spanked in the heat of passion? Have you ever asked to be tied up during sex by your partner? Do you like to be the one in charge or get bossy during sex? Well, you my friend have dipped your toe in the world of kink and bondage! BDSM does not always have to inflict pain, but rather focuses on heightening your sense. Sometimes this is done with handcuffs to prevent touching your partner or a blindfold to take away your ability to see what is coming. Sensory deprivation can be unsettling for many beginners, and it is important to move slowly while being sure to check in and always acknowledge set boundaries.
Having fun is a big part and helps to build your confidence in trying new things or stepping outside your comfort zone. Maybe you and your partner enjoy role play, but it has gotten a little mundane. Try adding a little bondage to spice things up and a little flare to your knight in shining armor rescuing the capture princess. This can be something as simple as old neck ties that are hanging in the closet, fuzzy handcuff you bought as a gag gift one year, or maybe you are more advanced and chose to use other methods of bondage life Shibari.
Other aspects of BDSM are the Dominate/submissive power exchange. The common misconception made by many who are not familiar with BDSM is that every aspect is about sexual gratification. So, when they hear, Dominate and submissive (D/s), they might think about one being dominant over the other in a sexual situation. While this is true in some cases, the thing in a D/s role is that these roles are chosen for a reason. Many who choose a D/s lifestyle are choosing to engage the aspects of power, protection, and direction to their submissive. The
submissive may be one who does not like to make decisions for themselves or struggles to make positive choices regarding areas of their life and seek the guidance and protection of their Dominate. It is important to note that as a submissive gives control to their Dominate but does not lose their voice when it comes to boundaries and consent.
Sadochism and masochism is another aspect that sounds scary for many, but in actuality has connections to many of the other aspects of bondage. May you like to bite or scratch during sex or enjoy the sting left from a spanking and found yourself asking for more. This again goes back to the heightening of senses when it comes to engagement with a partner. Some enjoy something called impact play or wax play. Impact play involves being slapped/spanked, whipping/flogging—all of which are meant to provide the sting, enjoyment in the marks or bruises left on the skin as a temporary reminder. This are never meant to permanently mare or disfigure a partner and are always agreed upon prior to the act.
BDSM is a very big world and encompasses so many aspects of life as small as a little spanking during passionate intercourse, to living a lifestyle of power exchange with a trusted D/s partner. I hope this blog has opened your mind to how BDSM might be more a part of your life than you thought. Have fun and get a little kinky!
