What’s Your Attachment Style?
How would your partner or a friend describe you within your relationships? Maybe you have been described as clingy or a loner. Maybe you see yourself as needy or constantly need reassurance from those who are close to you. No matter how you present in relationships, the way you interact with others can be linked to your attachment style. Psychologists have studied how children and parents attach during early childhood development. It has been found that the way children attach to their caregivers may continue into that person’s adulthood and how they attach to others.
There are several online quizzes and books that you can purchase that will help you to determine what your attachment style is. While these resources may be useful, I believe that a person can detect their own attachment style by simply understanding what each attachment style is. As you read the following explanations of the various attachment styles, I encourage you to check in with yourself and see if you can see yourself in any of these categories.
Attachment Styles
Secure Attachment: The person with a secure attachment style will be able to communicate effectively, be comfortable in relationships or on their own, express and regulate emotions in a healthy way, be able to self-reflect, and have high self-esteem.
Avoidant Attachment: The person with an avoidant attachment style will be very independent, struggle to trust others, avoids emotional and physical intimacy, uncomfortable expressing emotions, will spend more time alone than with others, and believe that they do not need anyone else.
Anxious Attachment: A person with an anxious attachment style will struggle to be alone, have low self-esteem, need approval of others, experience jealousy, fearful of rejection and abandonment, and will be highly sensitive to criticism whether it is real or imagined.
Disorganized Attachment: A person with a disorganized attachment style will have qualities that will include the qualities of an anxious and avoidant person. These people will exhibit contradictory behaviors, poor emotional regulation, high anxiety, trouble trusting others, and fears of rejection.
No matter where you may find yourself in the above 4 categories, the goal is that we do what we can to move closer to a secure attachment style. A secure attachment will allow you to have healthier relationships and feel more confident as an individual. As mentioned above, these attachment styles are typically developed during early childhood. Luckily for us, our brains have a certain level of plasticity that will allow us to make positive changes that will improve our behaviors.
What can we do to change our attachment style?
My first suggestion would be to observe a person in your life who does have secure attachment qualities. You can learn a lot from paying attention to how secure people interact with others and how they treat themselves. If you have someone close to you in your life who exhibits secure qualities, you may ask them to be a mentor to you while you navigate your own changes you are trying to make.
Second, I would suggest being reflective about your own behavior. Keep a journal to write out your emotions, assess the choices that you make in your relationships, practice open communication with others, and consider how your behaviors may affect others.
Finally, I would suggest that you seek professional help from a licensed therapist. They can help you to identify behaviors that you want to change and support you while you make those changes. Moving towards a secure attachment starts with you choosing to do so.
Source: https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-change-insecure-attachment-style#recap
