Ann Stalcup

Mediating with family at home can be challenging about now. Some people are mourning the loss of a loved one, a job loss, an unplanned event cancelation. Now all these individuals must interact with one another for unknown amount of time. While this may be provoking stress and anxiety, it does not have to be as bad as you may think. Here are 5 ways you can use to better mediate or deescalate arguments with family members and loved ones.

1. Listen- You may say, “that is all I do all day”…but are you really listening? Are you on your electronics or doing two or three things on top of listening to your family member? Make a rule at home where when someone is addressing another individual to give the other family member their individual attention.

2. Avoid distractions- When you are mediating, try to minimize any distractions around you. This can help you diminish confusion or more intense arguments or confrontations since the family members are in a quiet place.

3. Self-care- when you are the mediator, you must take care of yourself as well to avoid burnout. These times are testing times with all of us at various levels. Self-care is one of the most important activities to engage on when having high stressful situations like dealing with the pandemic quarantine.

4. Empathy- try to understand where the other family member is coming from and try to step into their shows to fully understand their point of view. Try to empathize with both sides and try to negotiate with both sides to find an agreement regarding the situation that you may be mediating or deescalating.

5. Reschedule -Sometimes all parties involved in the argument may be too aroused to actually have a healthy conversation or resolution. Experts often recommend for couples or families to set a time when they will come back and discuss their issue when they are more calm and able to communicate their difference. Rescheduling arguments may help to deescalate the emotions involved in the time when the argument begins.

Composed by Ann A. Stalcup, MS, Predoctoral Intern and U.S. Army Vetera

Being in quarantine is tough, and this is being experienced in very different ways depending where you reside. In San Antonio, it has a more intense quarantine culture than in New Braunfels or San Marcos. But now answering the question on how to be and do during quarantine. What are the things that you have been wanting to improve on? The goals that you have been putting off because of lack of time or energy to do so. This is a perfect time to reinvent yourself, this is a time for growth and change for all of us. Imagine, we are in a unique situation, all of us, where we are all are needing to stay at home for our safety and health.

What to do or be in quarantine. One way to be is silent, really listen to yourself and to what your body or mind has been trying to tell you for quite some time now but for whatever reason, you have been either avoiding it or too busy to listen or attend to. Be gentle with yourself, as mentioned before, we are all going through this changing time together so be patient and gentle with yourself and others around you. Another way of being during quarantine is active, continue following your schedule, have a schedule where you are able to incorporate those self-care or favorite past time activities you have been yearning to do for some time now but unable to for many other reasons. Think about what you would like to do with those extra 1-2 hours that you are saving yourself from commuting from and to work.

Think about Gains during quarantine – instead of thinking “I want to lose 10 pounds” think “I was to gain insight on how to eat healthier.” Gaining is a more positive way to look at outcomes as well as a better catalyst for change. Start with small gains and celebrate them in a big way. Now I ask you, what are you wanting to gain during quarantine. Maybe the answer is simpler than you think.

Composed by Ann A. Stalcup, MS, Predoctoral Intern and U.S. Army Veteran.

1. Who cleans their bedroom the fastest contest, winner gets to choose the next movie?

Making mundane chores fun is a way to motivate anyone including your family. Have you ever had to do a chore or something that you did not want to do but you were able to complete it by distracting yourself and soon enough you were done. Well that is the idea behind this activity. Make this activity fun especially if you all do it at the beginning of your day, this will make everyone feel accomplished (even in a small way) and have a better outlook for whatever the day has in store for you.

2. Challenge your children on their favorite videogames to foster your relationship.

If you have a gamer at home and is a struggle to get her off the videogames, then maybe spending some time to learn what all the buzz is about will not hurt during this time. You may enjoy this activity and may become your son’s next challenger. Embracing your children’s world will foment a stronger relationship between you too at the end.

3. Play board games that are only used during holidays.

Do you ever wonder why board games are usually dusted off during holidays? Well maybe because we tend to emerge ourselves into electronics or demanding schedules. Well if you know you can connect and make memories with your loved ones through board games, try it! This may become your family activity in the future.

4. Read a book with them and take turns reading chapters.

We usually either read a book to them or hear them practice their reading skills when they are young. To keep everyone engaged, it is a clever idea to take turns in reading books out loud and have some type of discussion afterward. Activities can spark interesting ideas and reflections among family members.

5. Go over family pictures, especially of family members that you do not see often.

The best thing about looking over old family pictures are the memories that those pictures represent. Reliving those memories will create dialogues that may bridge complex situations you may be facing with your children or parents. After all, the best thing about pictures are the created memories that live forever.

6. Go on a walk with them or have a workout session with them. If you were hoping to have your dream body or meet your weight goals this summer, now is the perfect time to do so. You and your children can be each other’s best support to meet your goals together. Engage in healthy competition between each other and you will see in no time you all will be seeing results.

7. Play parent vs. children nerf gun. If you have active children that is difficult to get them to concentrate in schoolwork or boring task as they may described them. Break from the routine and use fun to your advantage. Have a fun activity planned before or after the “boring” activities, this will motivate your children more than any type of consequence tactics you may be using right now. Give it a try!

8. Bake or cook your favorite family recipes.

Remembering grandmother’s recipes are priceless, start sharing these unforgettable tastes and smells with your children so they are able to learn more about their family, customs, family traditions, and foster them in their own families one day. If you are unable to find all the right ingredients, do not worry, you can improvise and later make the authentic recipe.

9. Have a lip singing contest!

If you have a talented family then go ahead and have a karaoke contest, but if you are like most of us, then a lip singing contest is the way to go. Using props are highly encouraged!

10. Educate them about the COVID-19 and reassured their safety. If you are having a tough time to explain your children about quarantine and COVID-19, reassured them that this too shall pass. Finding reputable information to share with your children is key. If your children worry is more than usual speak to their school counselor who should have other resources available for you and your family.

Composed by Ann A. Stalcup, MS, Predoctoral Intern and U.S. Army Veteran.