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Learning to Say No

November 6, 2023 by Jocellyne Guerra, LMFT

Saying no can be one of the hardest things for people to do. People get accustomed to saying yes, because saying no feels impossible, because they do not want to make others feel bad, because they owe someone something, the list goes on. Other times you feel pressured into saying yes due to the person’s persuasiveness and lack of respect for your boundaries. Learning to say no has great benefits. It is an essential part of establishing boundaries.

There are certain things to consider when you are trying to say no to someone. Take time to think about why you are wanting to say no. What is the reason behind you saying no? What is it about this person’s particular request or invite that you feel inclined to say no to? You have to know why you are saying no; this is part of learning to recognize your emotions, why you are feeling a certain way, etc. Is it because this person’s request requires something that is going to stretch you out thin? Is it because of the person? Is this person constantly asking you to overstep your limits and you are finally tired of it? It is because you simply do not want to do it, there is no particular reason, you just do not feel like it? Knowing what you want is part of communication. It makes it easier to say no when you know why you are saying no, because then you are able to communicate why when someone asks for an explanation. This also helps in building your confidence and assertiveness skills. What’s more empowering than knowing what you want and how to communicate it?  

Become familiar with whom it is hard to say no to. You will be better equipped to say no when you are aware of who has a hard time taking no for an answer and with whom it is difficult to say no to. You can spend more time practicing what you are going to say, how you are going to say it and how assertive you are going to have to be. Practice in front of the mirror – this might be uncomfortable or awkward, but it is going to help you get comfortable. You can also practice with someone you trust, do some role-play. If you are aware of how this person typically responds, then it makes it easier to know what you are going to say and a great way to be prepared for that is by practicing “what if” situations. Think of this as your game plan.  

Be firm with your no, stand your ground. It is not going to be easy in some cases. People are persistent so you will have to be just as persistent. Just like they are not taking no as an answer, you are not going to give in to a yes.  

You are allowed to be selfish when it comes to not doing something you do not want to do. It is going to be difficult at times, you may feel bad, like you are letting them down, but you cannot spend your whole life putting your needs/wants aside to be complicit to others. There comes a point when you must put your foot down.  

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Kathleen Bradford
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Kathleen Bradford
February 12, 2024

Ray has been an extremely effective therapist utilizing a multitude of different techniques, including talk therapy and EMDR. He is very intuitive, kind, and sensitive to his patient's needs. Cannot recommend him enough.

Lauren Goodley
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Lauren Goodley
February 9, 2024

I love this place. Office is super helpful for scheduling and payments. I do all my appointments online. My counselor Raymund Begaye is always professional and helpful, and offers different therapies including talk therapy and EMDR. Counseling with Ray has improved my quality of life and ability to handle, and enjoy (!), my life.

Ryan Dicke
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Ryan Dicke
February 9, 2024

I have dealt with 2 therapists in the past, and I can tell you from experience that Raymund Begaye is world class. He has all the wisdom, grace and savvy of Hannibal Lector without the cannibalistic tendencies. Always selfless, supportive, and non judgemental, meeting Raymund has been a huge blessing in my life. I know from the bottom of my heart that he got into this business because he cares about people and the human element. He also thinks outside of the box. His knowledge and ability to conduct EMDR sessions have been pure gold. I was skeptical at first about EMDR, but after several sessions with Raymund I can honestly say past traumatic experiences that have kept me in a state of bondage, are not as intense as they once were. Raymund is a true American hero in many ways. He saved many lives fighting for our great country, and he continues to save lives by providing hope to the hopeless.

Stefanie Anderson
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Stefanie Anderson
February 9, 2024

I've been seeing Ray for over 3 years now. He has helped me work through so much of my trauma. We started with talk therapy and it was a big help. As we opened up through my past traumas, we utilized the EMDR therapy, and let me tell you, it works wonders. I'm not sure of the exact science behind why EMDR works but I promise it does. I've come along way from the start of my therapy journey. Ray is very patient, understanding, and even when you think he doesn't get it, he does. He's always been very reassuring and has let me ease into dealing with my past. I think I found my therapist for life because before him, I had gone through several therapists that never made me feel like I'm being heard. I would recommend the EMDR therapy to anyone. Thanks InMindOut for employing such a wonderful therapist. Please don't let him go anywhere lol.

Faith Harris
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Faith Harris
February 8, 2024

My therapist has been Ray B since fall of 2021. I was diagnosed with PTSD after the death of my husband. We were together 24 years and have a son. I know I'm alive today thanks to God and Ray. His techniques, patience, experience, care, effort, ideas and many more I can't think of, have been amazing. Ray is a blessing in my life.

Maggie Anaya
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Maggie Anaya
February 3, 2024

Great therapists, always friendly

Charles Earley
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Charles Earley
January 17, 2024

Canceled 3 weeks in a row.

Jessica Wicklund
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Jessica Wicklund
December 25, 2023

I saw your video on FailArmy. Sorry your beautiful ferns got stolen. If I ever make it to your area I’ll have to stop by and check it out. Looks like a cool place!

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