Heartbreaks are tough. There is no easy way to “get over them.” There is no amount of “time” that can pass that will make it easier. Heartbreaks are a form of grief, although someone did not necessarily pass away, you lost someone who at one point you thought would be in your life forever. I have had clients tell me, “I just don’t know how to live without them, I don’t know how I’m going to get over this.” Because quite frankly it is extremely difficult and painful to grieve something and someone you never thought you would lose. The life you once longed for and imagined with said person is suddenly non-existent. It is a rollercoaster of emotions, it’s sadness, it’s confusion, mixed with anger and fear. Fear of what’s next, “What am I going to tell people,” “What am I supposed to do now?”
There is no guidebook to follow on how to get over a breakup, but there are several things to
consider:
- It’s not going to be easy. It’s going to be really hard. Some days are going to be easier than others, some harder than others, and there is going to be a lot crying, and that is okay. Crying is a way our body releases cortisol. Let the tears fall. You are human, it is okay to cry. Cry it out, as many times as you need to.
- You are going to want to isolate, and if that is what you are needing for some time, that is okay, but you also need to reach out for support. Do not be scared to reach out to your family or friends, those who you can rely on for support. They are going to be the people that help you through this tough time.
- Going to work or school, or anything of that sort is going to feel impossible, but it’s possible. You are going to take it day by day and if day by day seems too much, you are going to break it down to hour by hour, and if that still seems too much, you are to take it minute by minute. You only need to get through the next 10 minutes, and then after that the next 15 minutes. You are going to take small breaks throughout the day, as needed because it might be hard to focus.
- It is going to be hard to listen to music, watch shows/movies, hard to do the things that remind you of the person. It is okay if you want to avoid those things at first, whether it is because you cannot bear to or because you simply want to avoid it but try to face it little by little. One thing is for sure, that the more you avoid something, the harder it is to address it in the future.
- Most importantly, remember that this is where you can be as selfish as you want. Establish those boundaries. Take time off if you need to. Take care of yourself the best way you can. Maybe you won’t have an appetite but try to eat something small. If your best on some days is eating a granola bar, drinking some water and getting yourself to work, so be it, it’s something. Take it little by little. Set reminders for check ins (Have I eaten something? Have I drunk some water? Have I checked in with friends/family? Have I brushed my teeth? Have I taken a shower? How am I feeling? What am I needing?).
Sit with the feelings, welcome them in, let them pass because they will. It is not going to be this way forever. There is light at the end of the tunnel, and you are going to be okay. Remember that it is okay to not be okay. It is okay that you feel lost, unsure of what’s to come next. The most important thing to remember is that no matter what it may feel like, you are not alone, and you will come out of this. And if you cannot speak to friends or family, or are feeling alone, there are therapists that can help you get through it.