Throughout the course of my training and early years of being a therapist, I’ve had the opportunity to work with children and even adults from different backgrounds. Because of my training in ABA I’ve had the privilege and honor to work with children and adolescents diagnosed with Autism and their families. One of the most amazing things about working with this population is seeing the untapped potential in the minds of these youngsters come out and take the world by storm. That potential comes out with a lot of guidance, love, and patience from the caregivers as well as teachers who work with that child. But along with that potential comes unique set of challenges. Because Autism is a spectrum disorder, every child is affected differently and the symptoms tend to manifest in different ways. Some individuals tend to have cognitive problems, while others have fine motor/gross motor problems. These different symptoms can affect how individuals are treated or even the care that they receive throughout their lives. But one of the most important things that we can do for individuals on the spectrum is to help them build their own sense of indepence when it comes to life skills. Why am I emphasizing this? Because there are many cases when young people enter adulthood, and they have no idea how to handle basic concepts of life such as budgeting, knowing how to shop, knowing how to do laundry, cleaning the bathroom, etc. And this isn’t just children on the spectrum, this is children who are neuro-typical. Now I’m not going to get into the many reasons why these children don’t know or understand basic life skills because if I did this would be a very long blog post. What I hope to address with this particular blog is to put forward some ideas and ways of building life skills within your child.
1. Every child at every age and stage can learn a life skill of some kind. I’m a big fan of giving children small chores that they can do and are developmentally appropriate for them to learn. A one year old can learn how to put their toys on the right shelfs and put their dirty clothes in a laundry basket. A two year old can learn how to scrape off their plates in the trash and put their dishes on the kitchen counter. A fourteen year old can start learning how to separate out their laundry and wash it. Now keep in mind that when you first start giving children these chores or responsibilties, they are not going to get it right one hundred percent of the time. Adjust your expectations appropriately for their age as well as what you are able to see them do.
2. Have expectations of what skills your child will learn as they grow older. As I mentioned before children can learn a new skill at every age and stage. We as adults need to have reasonable expectations of what skills our children will learn and when. Note how I used the term reasonable. Some parents make the mistake of not expecting their children to learn anything at all life skill wise and take care of everything for them. Others set the bar too high which results in the child getting discouraged, easily frustrated, and developing an unhealthy perfectionistic mindset. We need to believe that our children can achieve and have a reasonable expectation of when and how they can achieve it.
3. Don’t be afraid to get creative with how you teach life skills. Let’s face it. Sometimes when we are working with our children, they do the dreaded “zoning out” in the middle of our lesson. This, of course, can get discouraging after a while. However, that is when creativity comes into play. Some parents might teach their kids about budgeting by taking them to the store, giving them a set amount of money, and telling them to buy groceries with only those funds. Other parents might teach their kids car maintenance by having them learn how to change the oil for themselves (if it’s developmentally appropriate of course). It all depends on how your child receives and retains information. It is important that we match our teaching with how our kids absorb information.
4. Have a reasonable time line for your child to learn these skills. Notice how I wrote time line instead of time limit. It’s important to note that some children have developmental delays and it may take them longer to learn basic skills. This is where the word “patience” comes in. Many times we end up making the mistake of trying to push our kids too hard too quickly because we want them to be on the same level as their peers. While I can see some merit to that, there is a problem with conforming too much to the expectations of an ever changing society. Our children are never going to be one hundred percent like everyone else, and that’s not a bad thing. Some kids learn skills at a different pace and a different timeline based on their developmental ability. It is important to keep that in mind when it comes to when we expect our child to learn and understand the skill.
The goal of parenting is to perpare our children for life. Now that may look different for every child with autism or a developmental delay, but we are still required to help our child to become as independent as possible. We may have to use unorthodox methods in order to help with them understanding these skills. But never lose sight of the overall goal which is our children being able to make their own decisions, and to lead their own lives in a healthy and productive way.