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The Messiness that is Grief

August 12, 2021 by Ashley Bono LPC, LMFT

     I think we can all agree on this one statement: grief is a messy process. There are days when you feel like you can’t get out of bed to live in the real world due to the pain. There are other days when you are so angry that you can’t even say a civil word to your family members or friends. And there are days when you feel so happy and energetic that you don’t want to stay indoors. The constant up and down stages can leave us reeling and exhausted. Worse it can leave us feeling very out of control of our lives. The real question is how do we handle the roller coaster that is grief without losing our minds in the process? Below are some tips and tricks that you can include in your grief survival kit.

1. Tears are not your enemy, they are your friend. Many times we try to suppress our tears because we don’t like the thought of being weak or we are afraid of not stopping. Weeping during times of great loss is extremely important to processing and recognizing the loss that we have been through. It is not a weakness to feel hurt and sadness.

2. Take the process slowly, there’s not rush to recover. Depending on who/what we lost and how that loss took place, it could take years for us to recover. That is okay! There are going to be times when you may feel that you’ve jumped a few steps backwards in the grief process. Just remember that grief is exactly that; a process! We must be willing to take our time and allow our hurt to run its course.

3. Surround yourself with loved ones and friends. This process is not one that you can endure by yourself. Reaching out to friends and family is a necessity during this roller coaster process. They are the ones that can keep us grounded, and may even help us with looking at the loss from a different perspective. They are also the ones that will not allow us to retreat further into ourselves.

4. How do you want to use this loss? Do you want to be a better person at the end of the grieving process? Do you want to be a person that your deceased loved one can be proud of? These are all questions that it is important to answer. Loss does not mean that we stay stuck in the situation that we are currently in. Rather it can be used as a foundation to help us grow and change.

5. Try things that you may not have been able to do before the loss. Trying new things that we’ve always wanted to do, but have not been able to can help us discover new things about ourselves. This is especially important to do when we’ve lost something or someone. Taking the opportunity to try new things also helps us with moving forward onto new goals and new heights.

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See what our clients have to say!

Kathleen Bradford
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Kathleen Bradford
February 12, 2024

Ray has been an extremely effective therapist utilizing a multitude of different techniques, including talk therapy and EMDR. He is very intuitive, kind, and sensitive to his patient's needs. Cannot recommend him enough.

Lauren Goodley
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Lauren Goodley
February 9, 2024

I love this place. Office is super helpful for scheduling and payments. I do all my appointments online. My counselor Raymund Begaye is always professional and helpful, and offers different therapies including talk therapy and EMDR. Counseling with Ray has improved my quality of life and ability to handle, and enjoy (!), my life.

Ryan Dicke
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Ryan Dicke
February 9, 2024

I have dealt with 2 therapists in the past, and I can tell you from experience that Raymund Begaye is world class. He has all the wisdom, grace and savvy of Hannibal Lector without the cannibalistic tendencies. Always selfless, supportive, and non judgemental, meeting Raymund has been a huge blessing in my life. I know from the bottom of my heart that he got into this business because he cares about people and the human element. He also thinks outside of the box. His knowledge and ability to conduct EMDR sessions have been pure gold. I was skeptical at first about EMDR, but after several sessions with Raymund I can honestly say past traumatic experiences that have kept me in a state of bondage, are not as intense as they once were. Raymund is a true American hero in many ways. He saved many lives fighting for our great country, and he continues to save lives by providing hope to the hopeless.

Stefanie Anderson
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Stefanie Anderson
February 9, 2024

I've been seeing Ray for over 3 years now. He has helped me work through so much of my trauma. We started with talk therapy and it was a big help. As we opened up through my past traumas, we utilized the EMDR therapy, and let me tell you, it works wonders. I'm not sure of the exact science behind why EMDR works but I promise it does. I've come along way from the start of my therapy journey. Ray is very patient, understanding, and even when you think he doesn't get it, he does. He's always been very reassuring and has let me ease into dealing with my past. I think I found my therapist for life because before him, I had gone through several therapists that never made me feel like I'm being heard. I would recommend the EMDR therapy to anyone. Thanks InMindOut for employing such a wonderful therapist. Please don't let him go anywhere lol.

Faith Harris
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Faith Harris
February 8, 2024

My therapist has been Ray B since fall of 2021. I was diagnosed with PTSD after the death of my husband. We were together 24 years and have a son. I know I'm alive today thanks to God and Ray. His techniques, patience, experience, care, effort, ideas and many more I can't think of, have been amazing. Ray is a blessing in my life.

Maggie Anaya
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Maggie Anaya
February 3, 2024

Great therapists, always friendly

Charles Earley
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Charles Earley
January 17, 2024

Canceled 3 weeks in a row.

Jessica Wicklund
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Jessica Wicklund
December 25, 2023

I saw your video on FailArmy. Sorry your beautiful ferns got stolen. If I ever make it to your area I’ll have to stop by and check it out. Looks like a cool place!

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