It’s okay to be scared. Hearing your child express that they want to die is tough and at the same time can be confusing for parents. Be mindful of how you react and what you say.
- Avoid using an accusatory tone or saying things like, “How could you think like that?… don’t say things like that… why are you saying that…” Doing so can bring up feelings of guilt for your child, might discourage them from opening up in the future, it might invalidate their feelings. Don’t get upset with them and let them know they are in trouble for being honest. Let them know you are there to listen and you want to help.
Be direct. Ask straightforward questions. No this isn’t going to put ideas in their head. Be okay with feeling uncomfortable about the conversation, this is part of it. It’s okay to talk about it.
- Ask them directly, “Are you thinking of killing yourself?”
- If they say yes, follow up with questions like, “Do you have a plan? What is the plan? How? (method) Do you plan to carry it out? (intention)”
- Remove lethal weapons from the home. Make sure there is supervision and that your child isn’t left alone.
- You can go to your nearest hospital. There they will conduct an evaluation to determine the criteria for hospitalization.
- If they say yes, follow up with questions like, “Do you have a plan? What is the plan? How? (method) Do you plan to carry it out? (intention)”
- It’s important to note that suicidal ideations differ from self-harm, meaning that just because your child might be self-harming doesn’t mean they are trying to kill themselves. This doesn’t mean self-harm is something to be ignored, which is why being direct and asking straightforward questions is crucial.
Have an open mind and avoid assumptions.
- This goes along with being direct, don’t assume the reasons why your child is having suicidal thoughts. Listen to what they have to say. The goal of these conversations is to allow your child to share about their life and what they are currently going through. Avoid making judgments or trying to point out the positives. This is the time to hear them out and to let them know that it is okay to not be okay and that it is okay to talk about suicide.
Create a safety plan for future scenarios.
- Identify what your child can do when they are having suicidal thoughts (calling the suicide hotline, calling a friend, calling a family member, reaching out to their parent). What if no one answers? Create a list of what they can do if that happens. Be specific about what actions to take.
Seek Professional Help
- If your child isn’t already seeing a therapist, try searching for one together. Let your child have a say on what therapist they want to see. Identify characteristics that are important for them in a therapist (gender, age, specialty, approach, distance, cost).
- If you aren’t in therapy yourself, consider seeking help as well. Having a space where you can talk about your own feelings can be beneficial and you can learn about more ways to support your child. In doing so, you’re also normalizing, seeking mental health support, and showing your child that it’s okay to seek help.
Have Check-Ins
- Discuss with your child how you’ll handle checking in with them. Would it be helpful to have daily check-ins? Is that too much? What about weekly or monthly check-ins? How will you check in? Through a text message? Asking them directly how they are doing? Will you have a set date/time? Be specific about how you’d like to have those mental health check-ins.
Here is a helpful link on the warning signs, as well as factors that increase risk.
https://afsp.org/risk-factors-protective-factors-and-warning-signs/
