InMindOut Blog

Mediating with family at home can be challenging about now. Some people are mourning the loss of a loved one, a job loss, an unplanned event cancelation. Now all these individuals must interact with one another for unknown amount of time. While this may be provoking stress and anxiety, it does not have to be as bad as you may think. Here are 5 ways you can use to better mediate or deescalate arguments with family members and loved ones.

1. Listen- You may say, “that is all I do all day”…but are you really listening? Are you on your electronics or doing two or three things on top of listening to your family member? Make a rule at home where when someone is addressing another individual to give the other family member their individual attention.

2. Avoid distractions- When you are mediating, try to minimize any distractions around you. This can help you diminish confusion or more intense arguments or confrontations since the family members are in a quiet place.

3. Self-care- when you are the mediator, you must take care of yourself as well to avoid burnout. These times are testing times with all of us at various levels. Self-care is one of the most important activities to engage on when having high stressful situations like dealing with the pandemic quarantine.

4. Empathy- try to understand where the other family member is coming from and try to step into their shows to fully understand their point of view. Try to empathize with both sides and try to negotiate with both sides to find an agreement regarding the situation that you may be mediating or deescalating.

5. Reschedule -Sometimes all parties involved in the argument may be too aroused to actually have a healthy conversation or resolution. Experts often recommend for couples or families to set a time when they will come back and discuss their issue when they are more calm and able to communicate their difference. Rescheduling arguments may help to deescalate the emotions involved in the time when the argument begins.

Composed by Ann A. Stalcup, MS, Predoctoral Intern and U.S. Army Vetera

Here is an easy and healthy organic recipe for soup in just 8 easy steps!

Ingredients:

· 8 cups of chopped fresh tomatoes

· 2 cups of chopped organic carrots

· 4 cloves of organic garlic

· ½ cup of chopped fresh basil

· 4 tbsp of organic olive oil

· 4 cups of organic chicken or vegetable stock

· ½ cup of heavy cream

· 1 tbsp of salt or more for taste

· Pepper to taste (optional)

· Fresh grated parmesan cheese for topping (optional)

Directions:

1. You first preheat the oven to 350 degrees.

2. in large mixing you, combine the tomatoes, carrots, garlic, and olive oil. Combine everything well so that all the ingredients are coated with olive oil.

3.Then spread onto a baking sheet so that all the ingredients are even spread out.

4. Roast the mixture for about an hour. At the 30 minute mark stir the mixture.

5. Once finished transfer the mixture into a blender and blend until the mixture is creamy.

6. In a large pot combine your blended mixture, stock, cream and salt and bring it to a boil.

7. Remove from heat and add your chopped basil. You can add additional salt and pepper to your liking.

8. Lastly serve and top it with fresh grated Parmesan cheese!

 

Written by: Alexandra Reustle, MA, Doctoral Intern

Mindfulness, in its simplest form, is the art of being present in the moment. Practicing this state of mind leads to all kinds of positive benefits both physically and mentally. Having to stay in our homes has given us the great gift of time. Time to sit, time to think, time to be present with ourselves and our loved ones. There are many ways that you can practice mindfulness: meditation, breathing exercises, having a conversation with someone without your phones, cooking, eating…every moment is an opportunity to pause and reflect on the now. Below I have listed some ideas and resources that will help you to mindfully engage, relax, and appreciate the moments we have been given during this season at home.

· Guided Diaphragmatic Breathing (5 minutes): Many people breathe wrong…in fact I can almost guarantee you are breathing incorrectly right now. To give yourself a test place one hand on your chest and one hand on your belly button…now breathe. What hand is moving most? If the one on your chest is moving up and down the most you are breathing thoracically and this is much less efficient and good for you than breathing from your belly (diaphragmatically). To belly breathe you will want to focus on filling your abdomen with air so that it expands out like a watermelon; as you exhale your belly should contract as you exhale. Try to inhale and exhale at equal intervals (around a count of 4) with around a 2 second pause in between. This link takes you to an article on breathing and has a guided audio and visual component that will help you pace your breathing: https://www.mindful.org/a-five-minute-breathing-meditation/

· Mindful Eating (depends on the size of your meal!): The most common activity regarding mindful eating is the raisin experience. You take a raisin and pretend you have never seen or heard of a raisin before. With this mindset think carefully about how it looks, feels, smells, and then finally how it tastes. In a sense, we are giving you permission to play with your food! Think about how children interact with food when they are first learning to eat…they do just about everything with that orange mush including seeing how far it will fly through the air. Now we aren’t recommending you throw your food (although you are certainly free to do so if you feel the need), but rather pointing out that babies have a wonderful way of being mindful and in awe of every moment. During your next snack or meal think about this practice and really mindfully engage with your food.

· Nature Walk (15-20 minutes): Being cooped up for too long is not great for anyone. With social distance in mind, take a short walk around your neighborhood and make a point to find three things in nature that you see and appreciate. It could be a leaf that has fallen on the sidewalk…as yourself what color is it? How does it feel? What is its shape? Really just let yourself be present with the leaf. Perhaps instead of a leaf it’s a bird, or the sensation of the wind against your cheeks. Whatever you choose to focus in on, take the time to be present with it and then move on to the next present moment. If your neighborhood is not walkable you can walk around your yard, go to a nearby park, or

even just sit on your front porch/patio and observe your surroundings. This is a great activity to do with children as well!

· Gratitude Journal (5-10 minutes): Take a few minutes to sit and think about what you are grateful for. This may be harder than it sounds, especially in a time when there is so much to be frustrated about, but this just means it is all the more important to do. To begin just try to think of five things you are thankful for. Sit with that gratitude for a few moments, write them down, and think about how it feels to express that gratitude. Perhaps call and share some of the things you are thankful for with loved ones. This is a great activity to do with little ones as well. Mindfully practicing gratitude is just as important as learning to say please and thank you!

· Guided Body Scan Meditation (15 minutes): A body scan is a type of mindful meditation that allows you to connect with your body in the present moment, feeling and experiencing both the pleasant and the unpleasant sensations as you work to release tension and become more in tune with yourself. This link takes you to an article on what a body scan is and has a guided audio that will walk you through the body scan: https://www.mindful.org/beginners-body-scan-meditation/

Being in quarantine is tough, and this is being experienced in very different ways depending where you reside. In San Antonio, it has a more intense quarantine culture than in New Braunfels or San Marcos. But now answering the question on how to be and do during quarantine. What are the things that you have been wanting to improve on? The goals that you have been putting off because of lack of time or energy to do so. This is a perfect time to reinvent yourself, this is a time for growth and change for all of us. Imagine, we are in a unique situation, all of us, where we are all are needing to stay at home for our safety and health.

What to do or be in quarantine. One way to be is silent, really listen to yourself and to what your body or mind has been trying to tell you for quite some time now but for whatever reason, you have been either avoiding it or too busy to listen or attend to. Be gentle with yourself, as mentioned before, we are all going through this changing time together so be patient and gentle with yourself and others around you. Another way of being during quarantine is active, continue following your schedule, have a schedule where you are able to incorporate those self-care or favorite past time activities you have been yearning to do for some time now but unable to for many other reasons. Think about what you would like to do with those extra 1-2 hours that you are saving yourself from commuting from and to work.

Think about Gains during quarantine – instead of thinking “I want to lose 10 pounds” think “I was to gain insight on how to eat healthier.” Gaining is a more positive way to look at outcomes as well as a better catalyst for change. Start with small gains and celebrate them in a big way. Now I ask you, what are you wanting to gain during quarantine. Maybe the answer is simpler than you think.

Composed by Ann A. Stalcup, MS, Predoctoral Intern and U.S. Army Veteran.

Written by Jason Watson, M. Ed., LPC, NCC, CCMHC – Therapist – San Antonio location

All humans crave order and calm in their lives and right now it is hard to find that space of calmness. Right now, so many things feel out of our control, but we can find areas of calmness and create a sense of control for ourselves.

Organize. Now that we are all being asked to stay home, now would be a great time to tackle some of those areas of the home that we keep putting off. Many times, organizing our lives physically can help calm some of the mental chaos. Organizing the closet that we keep putting off because ‘we just don’t have the time’, going through out stuff and clearing out that old stuff that we don’t need anymore, getting rid of clothes that we no longer wear or, sadly, outgrown is a good way of creating organization physically.

Mindfulness practice. Maybe you have always wanted to start a mindfulness practice but due to the daily demands we found ourselves saying “I don’t have time.” Learning to sit quietly with yourself for a few minutes a day and breathing can bring a sense of calmness. If you are like me and struggle with mindfulness there are some great FREE apps that can help. Insight Timer, Calm, or Headspace are some great apps for beginning of mindfulness practices. If you are home with your family, setting up a family mindfulness practice together is another great way to help calm some of the chaos.

Checking in socially. In the current time of advanced technology, we can check in with family and friends without being there in person. Using apps such as FaceTime, Skype, or Zoom are great ways to stay in touch with people and actually see them. Getting to actually see people while we aren’t supposed to be socially gathering is a great way to stay in touch with people and socialize with individuals and calming some of those worries that we have going through our heads at the moment.

Keeping a schedule. Right now, most people are finding themselves quarantined at home and having a lot of ‘time’ on their hands. Attempting to find and keep a schedule going will help when life returns to normal. Getting up at the same time every day, eating on a schedule, showering and going to be bed on a schedule helps to keep a sense a calmness when everything feels different.

Therapy. Even while we have to social distance ourselves, you can still reach out and get help mentally from your therapist. Counseling can be done online and is a great alternative to face-to-face counseling. Online counseling can be just as effective as face-to-face counseling. Remember, reaching out for help is not a sign of weakness but great strength to help manage the mental chaos that people can be experiencing during high stressful times that we are all experiencing during this time.

The biggest thing to help with the chaos right now is remembering you are not alone during this time of difference.

1. Who cleans their bedroom the fastest contest, winner gets to choose the next movie?

Making mundane chores fun is a way to motivate anyone including your family. Have you ever had to do a chore or something that you did not want to do but you were able to complete it by distracting yourself and soon enough you were done. Well that is the idea behind this activity. Make this activity fun especially if you all do it at the beginning of your day, this will make everyone feel accomplished (even in a small way) and have a better outlook for whatever the day has in store for you.

2. Challenge your children on their favorite videogames to foster your relationship.

If you have a gamer at home and is a struggle to get her off the videogames, then maybe spending some time to learn what all the buzz is about will not hurt during this time. You may enjoy this activity and may become your son’s next challenger. Embracing your children’s world will foment a stronger relationship between you too at the end.

3. Play board games that are only used during holidays.

Do you ever wonder why board games are usually dusted off during holidays? Well maybe because we tend to emerge ourselves into electronics or demanding schedules. Well if you know you can connect and make memories with your loved ones through board games, try it! This may become your family activity in the future.

4. Read a book with them and take turns reading chapters.

We usually either read a book to them or hear them practice their reading skills when they are young. To keep everyone engaged, it is a clever idea to take turns in reading books out loud and have some type of discussion afterward. Activities can spark interesting ideas and reflections among family members.

5. Go over family pictures, especially of family members that you do not see often.

The best thing about looking over old family pictures are the memories that those pictures represent. Reliving those memories will create dialogues that may bridge complex situations you may be facing with your children or parents. After all, the best thing about pictures are the created memories that live forever.

6. Go on a walk with them or have a workout session with them. If you were hoping to have your dream body or meet your weight goals this summer, now is the perfect time to do so. You and your children can be each other’s best support to meet your goals together. Engage in healthy competition between each other and you will see in no time you all will be seeing results.

7. Play parent vs. children nerf gun. If you have active children that is difficult to get them to concentrate in schoolwork or boring task as they may described them. Break from the routine and use fun to your advantage. Have a fun activity planned before or after the “boring” activities, this will motivate your children more than any type of consequence tactics you may be using right now. Give it a try!

8. Bake or cook your favorite family recipes.

Remembering grandmother’s recipes are priceless, start sharing these unforgettable tastes and smells with your children so they are able to learn more about their family, customs, family traditions, and foster them in their own families one day. If you are unable to find all the right ingredients, do not worry, you can improvise and later make the authentic recipe.

9. Have a lip singing contest!

If you have a talented family then go ahead and have a karaoke contest, but if you are like most of us, then a lip singing contest is the way to go. Using props are highly encouraged!

10. Educate them about the COVID-19 and reassured their safety. If you are having a tough time to explain your children about quarantine and COVID-19, reassured them that this too shall pass. Finding reputable information to share with your children is key. If your children worry is more than usual speak to their school counselor who should have other resources available for you and your family.

Composed by Ann A. Stalcup, MS, Predoctoral Intern and U.S. Army Veteran.